date > May 2019
media > digital photography
size > 4.4 MB


> Other titles I considered for this work was Aftermath.

> It was taken with Holly Birtles towards the end of a collaboration over several days during which we filmed and took still photos for the Wild Caviar video and print series. There are 4 photos of me with some of the props we used that I have retained as works in themselves. All 4 self-portraits are about my love/hate relationship with paint. They are uncomfortable but the yearning for this sort of work had been with me for years before I found the courage to do it for a camera. I knew Holly Birtles and her work from the Slade where we were in the same tutorial group. In her own practice she also seems to deal with a certain discomfort around the body juxtaposed with painted props.

> The weather balloon was a prop that Holly Birtles brought to our collaboration. I found it incredibly sensual to move paint around on and loved working with it. That visceral sensuality is not unlike that of giving birth: life affirming but also gory. At the end of each day, I would then go and shower and warm up after having felt wet and cold for hours. I felt exhausted, relieved, fulfilled, tired, emotional. When I look at this photo now, I still feel all those contradictory emotions. Detached and in love, I both want to never see the photo again but can’t stop looking.